01/11/11

January 11, 2011, I figured this is a fine day to catch up and do some explaining.  But first, thank you all for your patience. I know I’ve been moving slowly.

There’s been alot of changes in my life since last summer, most of them good and easy and some of them good and not-so-easy. I changed majors in school from Film, Video, & Integrated Media to Photography. I moved to a new apartment. And I found new homes for my feline companions of 10 years (that was really difficult).

After initially launching the project, I had a crisis of confidence. It was like all of a sudden I felt like I was not good enough. I felt worried and scared; scared to make a mistake, scared to offend somebody/anybody, scared to mess up and say something or do something wrong. I was scared to share my full self, my politics, my work with my amazing sisters in the Aboriginal Women’s Action Network, worried someone somewhere might disagree with our desire for freedom and safety. I froze. And I know this experience is not just mine. Feeling “not good enough” is something common to most women at some point or another. I mean, how many times have we heard we’re not good enough or we’re not smart enough or we don’t know what we’re doing, especially as Indigenous women? It took me a good couple of months to even recognize these feelings.

Once I did, I talked with my friends and with my family. And I remembered what an amazing woman, who passed away a year or so ago, said: “It doesn’t matter if it’s not perfect, what matters is you showed up and said it”. And I thought about all the amazing women I know, my friends, my family, my ancestors…and how proud I felt. I am proud of the things I do, the things we do, and I want to share that. I am proud of our accomplishments as the First Women of these lands, and I want to share them. I will show up, we will show up. I will say it, we will say it. I am good enough, we are good enough and smart enough and beautiful and kind and amazing. I let the responsibility of the project overwhelm me, because I forgot we’re all in this together.

I’m not sure if the end result of this project will be exactly what I want, things tend to shift and change a little as you move along. It may end up just being this blog, but what an accomplishment that would be! And whatever form this ends up taking, the message will be clear: we are proud and strong and we will fight for our freedom.

So, new beginnings all around. Let’s begin.

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2 Responses to 01/11/11

  1. easilyriled says:

    thanks for this, glad you’re back! keep beginning again, and making revolution together, we all need each other, yes.
    xo erin

  2. Angela says:

    Thanks for being so open and honest about the project. I myself have been slow at writing something for this valuable important project. I have struggled through more than a year of my life stuck in a rut of not feeling good enough to move forward. I was always fearful what if I fail? more importantly what will I do if I succeed? But I have learned to value my life and wish to share my story with all about perseverance. I’m cheering you on, do your best and take it one day at a time.
    Angela

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